David Cameron, Werewolf Pacifier

Anyone watching television in the UK over the past few weeks can hardly have failed to have seen trailers for the soon-to-be-released movie, “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. Apparently the life of Abraham Lincoln was simply not interesting enough, and had to be augmented with vampires in order to make it to the big screen.

From the Amazon.com review of the book that inspired the movie:

Indiana, 1818. Moonlight falls through the dense woods that surround a one-room cabin, where a nine-year-old Abraham Lincoln kneels at his suffering mother’s bedside. She’s been stricken with something the old-timers call “Milk Sickness.”

“My baby boy…” she whispers before dying.

Only later will the grieving Abe learn that his mother’s fatal affliction was actually the work of a vampire.

When the truth becomes known to young Lincoln, he writes in his journal, “henceforth my life shall be one of rigorous study and devotion. I shall become a master of mind and body. And this mastery shall have but one purpose…” Gifted with his legendary height, strength, and skill with an ax, Abe sets out on a path of vengeance that will lead him all the way to the White House.

While Abraham Lincoln is widely lauded for saving a Union and freeing millions of slaves, his valiant fight against the forces of the undead has remained in the shadows for hundreds of years. That is, until Seth Grahame-Smith stumbled upon The Secret Journal of Abraham Lincoln, and became the first living person to lay eyes on it in more than 140 years.

Using the journal as his guide and writing in the grand biographical style of Doris Kearns Goodwin and David McCullough, Seth has reconstructed the true life story of our greatest president for the first time-all while revealing the hidden history behind the Civil War and uncovering the role vampires played in the birth, growth, and near-death of our nation.

This witty article from Slate.com treats the movie with the contempt that it deserves, and imagines the paranormal or superhuman feats of other past US presidents.

Chester A. Arthur becomes a “Sasquatch Assassin”.

Grover Cleveland becomes a time warrior.

Andrew Jackson takes on a Ridley Scott-style alien in a boxing ring.

This led me to wonder – what dark but noble feats would lurk in the past of alternate universe David Cameron?

Leveson – Someone Call The Waaambulance

Can’t take criticism.

 

Poor old Brian Leveson.

The Daily Mail wrote something mean about him and Michael Gove (the Education Secretary) said that his enquiry could have a “chilling effect on free speech”, and Judge Brian decides, in retaliation, to kick off today’s proceedings with a 15 minute aggreived soliloquy on his impartiality and dedication to the cause of…whatever.

I continue to be astounded at the extent to which this whole enquiry appears to be about Brian Leveson and the maintenance of his fragile ego rather than anything to do with the behaviour and regulation of the press, supposedly the original subject. Surely there are other ways to flatter this man, other than letting him meddle with the already-parlous state of free speech in this country?

After this morning’s hissy fit, it seems that Judge Brian is expecting a large bunch of flowers and a box of Swiss chocolates from the people of Britain for having allowed his motives and character to be questioned in such a way. I think he will be waiting for a good long while.

Judge Brian – why not spend your time hearing evidence in your bogus enquiry rather than focusing on the words and actions of people outside, getting worked up when they criticise you, and wasting time writing and delivering huffy rebuttals?

#WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY.

The Power Of The Presidency

…does not currently extend to persecuting or firing police officers who arrest spoiled, washed-up young starlets who drive while drunk. As Jonathan Turley wryly notes:

It is not clear which actress Amanda Bynes is in greater need of: basic driving or constitutional law lessons. After being arrested for drunk driving, Bynes took to Twitter to ask that President Barack Obama “fire the cop who arrested me.” While Obama may be willing to break away from an emerging civil war in Syria and a worsening economy to address the pressing problems of the starlet, he may find it difficult to fire the officer who is a state employee. However, according to the Justice Department, he does have the ability to declare the officer a threat to the nation and have him summarily executed. After all, if arresting a starlet is not an act of terrorism in our celebrity-driven society, I do not know what is.

I think that Obama may have just a couple of slightly more pressing issues to occupy his attention before he gets around to this particular request.

The End Of America As We Know It? Hardly.

Andrew Sullivan posts an excellent retort to Mitt Romney’s fear mongering that the United States is about to make a binary flip from being a free enterprise nation to having a “government-run economy”, based on this illuminating chart:

As you will note, the line indicating growth in corporate profits (in billions of dollars) obstinately refuses to go in the direction that it would need to point in order to signify the government-led smothering of the private sector that Romney wants us to believe is currently taking place.

The Republican presidential candidate has been giving speeches bemoaning the notion that President Obama doesn’t understand capitalism or the free enterprise system, and that this ignorance is leading Obama to implement policies that are harming the economic recovery. Romney has advanced this line of attack frequently, most recently at a campaign event in St. Louis, Missouri, though to be fair, he seems willing to ascribe Obama’s supposed failures to ignorance rather than malice:

I do not believe this has been done with evil intent or ill will. But for a family watching their house being sold at foreclosure, or the family that is forced to spend their kid’s college savings just to make ends meet, the results are just as devastating.

Oh wait, perhaps not:

I will not be that President of deception and doubt. I will lead us to a better place.

Then, of course, comes the obligatory lie about Obamacare, the Affordable Healthcare act:

Today, government at all levels consumes 37 percent of the total economy or G.D.P. If Obamacare is allowed to stand, government will reach half of the American economy. And through the increasing controls government has imposed on industries like energy, financial services and automobiles, it will soon effectively control the majority of our economic activity.

This line only works if you are ill-informed enough to actually believe that Obamacare effectively appropriates and nationalises the entire US healthcare industry, bringing it under government ownership as opposed to just regulating the industry to a higher degree and increasing the customer base of the insurance companies through the individual mandate. So it’s basically a big fat lie, though Romney is clever enough to choose his words carefully, stating “government will reach half of the American economy”, a quite meaningless phrase, but one that deliberately and incorrectly suggests ownership and control of half of the US economy without actually putting him on the record as having said so.

And finally, the crux of Romney’s argument:

One must ask whether we will still be a free enterprise nation and whether we will still have economic freedom. America is on the cusp of having a government-run economy. President Obama is transforming America into something very different than the land of the free and the land of opportunity.

We know where that transformation leads. There are other nations that have chosen that path. It leads to chronic high unemployment, crushing debt, and stagnant wages.

I don’t want to transform America; I want to restore the values of economic freedom.

This is what really irritates me about the Romney argument, this idea that there is a binary choice between “free enterprise” and “government-run”, that America has always dwelt on the free enterprise side of the line and that Obama wants an old-school socialist planned economy. It is borne out of the total allergy to nuance or shades of grey currently affecting the Republican party, and is one of the main reasons why I cannot bring myself to support them at the moment.

Of course there is no such binary choice. What percentage of GDP would have to be consumed by government spending for “free enterprise” to officially be declared dead according to the Romney definition? 37%, the current figure? 50% + 1? Something else? All conservatives – myself included – want to see government spending account for as small a proportion of GDP as possible, and most would agree that the current level – in Britain as well as in America – is too high. But the size of government has expanded under both parties, and though Obama may be guilty of failing to reverse the trend, he has at least slowed the rate of increase in the size of government, when the stimulus measures are factored out. For Mitt Romney to suggest that the US is teetering on the brink of becoming a planned economy under Obama when government spending accounts for 37% of GDP is not only the worst type of scaremongering, it also ignores the significant contribution that his own party made to the problem.

And as for this narrative about Obama seeking to “transform” America, to turn it into something unrecognisable from before – while it may be the only narrative that Romney can hope to ride to the White House in November, it is also untrue. Obama is a centre-left politician implementing mostly centre-left policies, some of which would actually have enjoyed a measure of support among Republicans if they had been proposed by a President Bush, Cheney or McCain. But for Romney to get out the vote, he must convince his supporters of something patently untrue, that Obama is a radical, a dangerous subversive trying to alter the fabric of America.

I’m an economic conservative, I believe in a small state and limited government involvement in private markets. But given the choice between someone on the centre left who is making an honest effort along Keynesian lines to solve the economic difficulties facing America and someone on the right who screams “socialism!” where none exists, and who remains in denial about his own side’s complicity in the downturn and the detrimental effect that his policy proposals would have on the recovery, I have to hold my nose and support the centre left guy.

Which is a shame, because it would be nice to have a genuine choice in 2012.